Weights and measures

Everything now requires measurement.

Scooping small measures of heavy emotion, carefully leveling off the top according to how much this person or that can handle. Guzzling the small sips of happiness and drops of normality. Counting the smiles and loving the feel of her weight in my arms.

Exactly how many teaspoons of tears can I give out today? how many ounces of heaviness are called for?

…Reading the stories of other babies, measuring our time in comparison. Measuring respiration rates, arm strength, growth… measuring the hours until Darin comes home.

…and then the weighing and weighing and weighing of words. How much can I tell them? How much can they handle? Omit the anger with fate before you insult someone… Watching others work so hard to measure their own words for us. Hearing their thoughts: ‘What to say?’,’What do they need me to do?’, ‘I don’t know how to help’.. I can’t stand the idea of making anyone so anxious.

Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Weights and measures

  1. Uncle Matt

    I love you, Mari. You can say or do anything you want, any time you want. Don’t hold off on our account. This is all about Elise. As parents, we are used to worry and pain. Yours is the ultimate. If there is any way we can help carry some of that weight, that is what we will do.

    I don’t have any answers to the ‘whys’ and ‘how comes’, but I do know that I am here for you and Daren and Elise. And so are a LOT of other people. You are not alone. You never have been.

    We all love you.

  2. Dana McMurry

    I think you are a truly exceptional woman / mother / sister. I’m not sure that I know of another person who would think so much of other people’s feelings when faced with such a hardship. Goodness knows that I wouldn’t! Goes to show the true depth of your strength and character. Also explains why everyone wants to help and is at such a loss to be able to do so. You guys are all so loved.

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