Better days and rough nights

Not sleeping much tonight. So many thoughts, imagining so many things.

Days are ok for the most part. Elie’s cousins are in town for spring break. So great to see them all together laughing and happy. Its infinitely easier to get through each day without wallowing in the details and the future. Just being here for now. Talking about anything and everything as we play with Elie.

Nights are a different story. If I manage to not wake up, I can make it. Tonight though, I’m wide awake and theres no present to distract you in the dark. That’s when the future crawls in.

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Categories: Uncategorized | 2 Comments

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2 thoughts on “Better days and rough nights

  1. My grief for you is unbounded, I weep with you and your husband and for your little girl. I know there are many people following your story now, and it is so astonishing, even inspiring, for you to share your pain even as it blossoms. Our personal pain means nothing when we look at your beloved daughter’s strikingly beautiful, cherubic face.

    You mentioned a fear of the future, and I know what you mean. I lost my daughter suddenly, without warning, and had only my other children keeping me alive. But I wanted someone, even if it’s only anyone, to comment on your post. I still spend many sleepless night, although mine mostly wallow in the past.

    The future won’t always be bleak. This is not saying you should look beyond Elise’s life, because every precious second of the NOW is your focus. But I can whisper in your ear, and you will not turn toward me and not answer, that there will be a future and a life that goes on, and your darling daughter will spend eternity in the warm embrace of your heart. And mine.

  2. Kelley

    If you are awake in the middle of the night and reading this…the morning is coming and it’s going to keep coming again and again. Chances are, little Elie is sound asleep and dreaming about seeing your face again when the sun comes up. 🙂

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